I don't think that anymore. I do believe in signs, but I'm also a realist, and realistically people my age are having babies, the ads/junk mail/junk email are not a prediction of whether or not Eric and I will have another child. I guess after so many years on the pregnancy loss path we have lost that silly hope and blissful ignorance that we used to have.
So this morning when I got this email:
I deleted it and didn't think twice about it. There are so many dynamics to pregnancy loss and infertility, but one of those dynamics is having to get a thick skin in order to survive the journey. There are days where you're just surviving; Using the only energy you have to remember to breath (forget eating or sleeping). An email like this can crumble the fragile heart of a person who just had a miscarriage, just gave birth to their stillborn baby, or is not able to get pregnant. They're dangerous for healing. My skin isn't as thick as it needs to be, but I have mastered deleting these kinds of emails and recycling the magazines without it hurting and without the wishful thinking anymore. And that's an accomplishment on this path!
So when a little while later I got this email:
This email came out of no where! I did not respond to the first one, I only deleted it like I have all the others I'd gotten. I have NO idea why or how Shutterfly knew that a new baby announcement would be a sensitive issue for me. I'm not sure how the internet world works, I assume if you Google my name something about pregnancy loss would pop up, but what 'Shutterfly' knows I have no idea. I guess if I wasn't so overwhelmed with the gratitude of this email I could see how this might be a little creepy, but I am so appreciative of their consideration that I just don't care!
It is not often that someone not on the pregnancy loss path reaches out to someone who is with encouragement and empathy, so when it happens those moments are cherished! I'm not sure if Shutterfly even knows why they're apologizing but even so, this meant so much to me! I've seen on their Twitter sight that they are apologizing to a lot of people for the first email, not just me, but it's still the gesture I need to heal more. These are the kinds of emails that restore that little bit that was destroyed by the first email. These are the kinds of things that make awareness so important.