Monday, July 10, 2017

Seven. Yes, Seven.

This is the exact conversation that I have with every primary physician that I've ever had after moving to a new place and am just needing a refill at a new pharmacy at a new clinic.... which is a lot of conversations because we move a lot because the Army says so:

Doctor so-and-so:  How many times have you been pregnant?  

Me:  7

Doctor so-and-so:  7....?  

Me:  Yes, 7.  {Slight grin while holding up 7 fingers just to be sure she heard me right}

Doctor:  How many living children?  

Me: 1, she's beautiful.  She's 14 years old.

Doctor:  One.... {sort of like she is saying it to herself and doing the math}.... One?  {side eye because she just did the math}  Can you elaborate on that part of your medical history for me?  The 7 pregnancies... 

Me:  {Looks up at the ceiling.  I knew this was coming.  Takes a deep breath}  I have been pregnant 7 times.  My son was stillborn, my daughter was born 9 1/2 months later - they are Irish twins {I half grin at the wall in front of me because the wall doesn't make a sad face when I explain my story and my babies being Irish twins always makes me smile, the wall lets me smile without feeling bad.  But I can't do a full grin because then I just look crazy because what I'm saying is really sad, especially to people on the outside who haven't heard my story before.}, I had 3 late first trimester miscarriages in 16 months, and then 2 very early miscarriages a couple of years after that.

Doctor:  {typing on the computer and clicking the mousepad a whole bunch of times}  Well, that sounds like a lo-

Me:  Oh... and.... but before my last two miscarriages we weren't able to get pregnant for 3 years so we decided to try IVF.  It took 11 months.... but then IVF failed.  {I look down at the floor - that one still hurts a little bit} 

Doctor so-and-so:  {blank stare, turns to her computer and starts typing some more}

Me:  And there were 4 abdominal surgeries mixed into all of that too.  One of them was 7 hours long, I was in the hospital for 5 days after it and on bed rest for 7 weeks.  Actually, I'm still numb from that surgery.  {shrugs my shoulders because I'm totally used to the numb part and maybe it's helpful information, I don't f^*king know, I'm just trying really hard not to be awkward right now but am tooootally being awkward.  God, this sucks.}

Doctor:  You've really been through a lot, haven't you?  

Me:  {There's that sad face.  There's that sad face that I was really hoping to avoid eye contact with.  Shit.}  {I half smile and look down at the floor until she moves on to the next part of my anatomy.}


  1. Ugh, this is a heart breaker. I've had conversations similar to this, but sometimes I tell the whole story and sometimes I don't - it depends on the doctor and the day.

  2. I knew some of your story, but did not realize the number of miscarriages. I have never been pregnant, so I have truly no idea what those emotions must feel like! Love and hugs to you.

  3. Sighs I hate those conversations. I've been pregnant 11times with one 12 old daughter. It's hard especially when they give you the dumb look