I am sure if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, or if you know me in real life, you already know that I am unabashedly obsessed with my little family. I am almost never away from them and I make NO apologies about it. I will spare y'all all of the mushy ways in which I ooze love all over the two best people in the whole wide world that God made and then saw fit to put into my humble measly little life because it's embarrassing, but we really are.... always together.
But even so, I have never been much of a "stay-at-home mom/wife." I've always valued my education and my career and it's extremely important to me to be an example to my daughter of how those two things give a woman her independence. But, for a gazillion complex reasons working in my profession just isn't a possibility at this stage of my life here in Texas. And that's been hard for me. Really hard. So instead, I am trying to be an example to my daughter in other ways - together we volunteered 85 hours at a local homeless shelter last year!
And, I am pouring my heart out onto my family right now because that is where I am needed.
For most of the school year my life revolves around whatever Isabelle and Eric need. Isabelle, especially, since her schedule is absolutely insane. I spend a huge amount of my time keeping her organized and driving her back and forth to her commitments. While I may be a constant presence in Isabelle's life (she'd probably tell you that I am a super annoying obnoxious presence, and all I'd say to that is, I bring the 90's dance moves every where I go soooo. there.), I am mindful to stay a few steps behind her to allow her her space to stumble, and even fall flat on her face if she needs to. I make no apologies for that either. The kid has to learn the things she has to learn and sometimes it means the hard way, and I make it a rule to never get in the way of the Universes' lessons. But rest assured she is always within my reach when needed, and I am doing everything I possibly can to keep Isabelle organized and graduating with her ambitions flourishing.
Most of Eric's focus needs to be at work right now. I just keep things with Isabelle and our home running as smoothly as possible so that he doesn't have any unnecessary distractions and can keep his focus where it needs to be. It's the best I can do since I know zilch about the inner-workings of the military, and those Solider's are pretty great at what they do without a giggly wino trying to give them unsolicited advice.
Honestly, out of the three of us, life for me is the easiest, I don't have any of the responsibilities that they do. I don't have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn and do Army stuff like Eric has to, and while I love all things 90's, you couldn't pay me any bazillions of dollars to go back to being in high school again like Isabelle is experiencing right now. Which, by the way, side note: is why I wasn't disappointed when the Army ruined our plans to go home for my 20 year high school reunion.... ohmigosh, y'all I am old and I just admitted that right here on my blog. Yes, I graduated high school in 1998! Twenty whole years ago.... gulp. But there are just parts of my life I don't need to revisit, and high school is one of them. I'm not the same person I was twenty years ago. I'm happy that I'm not who I was in high school, but I'd like to think that who I was made for a great foundation of who I am now.... if that makes any sense.
Taking care of two very ambitious people can be exhausting. Especially since the stuff I do is not glamorous and I don't get a day off like they do. So when the Universe aligned an entire week where Isabelle and Eric would be gone at the same time leaving me all by my lonesome, I couldn't help but squeal with delight at all of the possibilities....
Chick flicks without a single eye-roll from anyone anywhere.
Doritos whenever I want them and as much as I want because I don't have to share.
No healthy food! Except pokè bowls, because pokè bowls are life.
Sleep. Sleep all day.
Lay on the couch without interruption.
Absolutely no working out at. all. (Ya hear me, Melissa. I'm talkin' to you).
Dancing to my 90's music in every corner of my kitchen without bumping into my daughter with this big butt.... I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny....
Even for someone like me - a gal who can push herself to the point of a seizure - a break to do whatever I wanted sounded like exactly what my soul needed, and it was way past due. I desperately needed to recharge my batteries, and not having to worry about anyone but myself seemed like the exact right way to recharge them.
So that's what I did! I did all the things I wanted and none of the things I didn't. It was pretty great. For the first two days. And then I missed my little family like crazy and often didn't know what to do with myself. But then I sat on my couch a little longer, took bigger sips of wine, read my book, and began to ENJOY it! I remembered to think about myself, it felt weird at first, but then the high from the Dorito cheese dust hit me and I actually let myself relax.
Look, I make NO apologies for being obsessed with the two greatest people on earth, or how as a family we operate best together, or that while I may be deeply and completely flawed, I pour everything that I do have into the two greatest people so that they can continue being the people God made them to be, even if it means that I have to take a back seat to any of the limelight that I pray shines so brightly on them.
You'll find me in the wings, going big on the 90's dance moves.... macarena, anyone?