Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Well Damn, October is Over

Well damn.  October has been over for a while now and I said almost nothing about pregnancy & infant loss.  But then, I haven't really said much about anything at all.  

This little blog of mine has been sorely neglected since we moved back to America last year.  It's gotten second fiddle to most everything else in my life, mostly because life got equal parts hectic and boring, but also, there just isn't much for inspiration right now.  
I had every intention of pouring my heart out to you all or give advice or share some amazing resources out there for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month, but then every time I sat down to blog, I lost my gumption.  I had hoped to talk about the one aspect of our fertility journey that I've never publicly talked about before, adoption and surrogacy, but then every time I sat down to blog, I couldn't figure out the words I wanted to say.... and, my heart just wasn't in it.  Which I guess tells you all you really need to know about how those methods of expanding a family fit into our journey.

I don't know where my gumption went, but I can't find it, and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing.  I usually blog when my heart is in pieces because those pieces sometimes make more sense to me when I lay them all out on a blog, but lately my pieces feel pretty great.  Mostly though, there just isn't anything exciting going on in our lives right now.  We settled into our new life here quickly, and since then I've been focusing on making life as easy as I can for Isabelle who is eyeballs deep into a rigorous high school schedule and is prepping for her first college courses that start this summer, and for my husband who needs to concentrate on Army stuff right now.  
In July I started working out 4-5 days every week and have lost a small chunk of weight.  I'm struggling to see the progress, but I'm enjoying being physical and my time at the gym has become really important to me.  I am focused on my ultimate bucket list goal of hiking to Machu Picchu after Isabelle graduates in a few years, so working out is helping me build my endurance.  And for the first time in my life I feel like my body is working the way it's supposed to, rather than hating me and murdering everything inside me because apparently I am the worst owner of a human body ever and deserve to be punished for however long I have a contract on this stupid thing.  
Besides the gym, I've also been spending any free time that I have (which isn't much) volunteering at different organizations.  If you're on any of my social media you know that Eric, Isabelle, and I volunteer at the Humane Society of El Paso.  I am a little bit obnoxious about putting all over the internet the adoption events we help with because I want to get as many dogs & cats fur-ever homes as I possibly can, but other than that I volunteer for other organizations around this city that I don't like to post about so as not to take any glory away from the Lord who is truly doing the work - but it is another aspect of life that is keeping me busy right now, even if you aren't seeing it or hearing about it.

I promise you that none of that is really all that interesting or blog-worthy.  

Since I had a seizure in June I've been dealing with all sorts of different health issues.  It's all very intricate and complex and the only thing you really need to know is that everything is checking out fine.  I have a laundry list of medical "quirks" that set off red flags, but for me they are normal and I'm just having to go through the motions as each doctor investigates each red flag.  If you've ever spent any amount of time in a waiting room then you know that that is nothing worth blogging about.  

I promise, y'all haven't missed anything.

I HATE that we aren't traveling like we used to, but with Isabelle's schedule the way it is we haven't been able to get too far from home.  Between her class load, theater club, church, and her volunteering, she needs time to rest and relax, so we are mindful to keep whatever time is left free from any sort of commitment (and truth be told, I need a glass (or 3) of wine on those days, so there's almost zero chance of getting my ass off the couch anyway).  But Eric and I know that this is just the beginning for her, and her life is only going to get more insane as she dives further into her college courses.  So until she graduates, all I can do is keep adding to our bucket list and daydream about the awesome adventures that await us.  

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