Saturday, March 2, 2013

There is a Colonial Woman on the Wing!

I have flown in airplanes lots of times.  I have flown to all different places at all different ages and have never had a problem... until a few years ago.  Something changed, I don't know when and I don't know why.  There wasn't a certain experience that triggered a fear of flying for me, I honestly have no idea where it came from.  But I am now truly terrified and it is getting worse, even irrational.  

After our return flight from D.C last week, I've decided that I need to be sedated when I am anywhere near an airport from now on.  The flight was fine and uneventful, I just felt extremely panicked and near tears for the full 2 1/2 hours until we landed.  Torture.  But don't worry, my ordeal is all internal.  My inner voice is freaking the f*#k out, but at least I look calm.  I don't want to get arrested or anything.

Yes, I have heard the "flying is safer than driving" thing.  I'm not buyin' it.  

We will be flying internationally this summer which means 15 continuous hours in an airplane.  I've never flown international.  Even typing this out right now makes my palms sweat.  And what makes everything worse.... my husband will not be on that flight with me.  Eric soothes my energy, I feel like everything in the world is fine when I am with him, but he won't be with me.

I will need to be sedated.

have flown over the ocean though, a bunch of times, but never international.  It's not flying over water that bothers me..... 35,000 feet in the air, is 35,000 feet in the air.  I imagine that crashing into water sucks the same as crashing into land.

But these things do bother me: 
-I know absolutely nothing about aerodynamics, I just don't understand how the stupid thing stays in the air.  
-I know absolutely nothing about airplane mechanics.  The movie, Flight (with Denzel Washington), showed me that I now have to think worry about small screw thingy's in an airplane because these screw thingy's make the airplane stay in the air.  As if I didn't have a million other scenario's going through my head, now there are screw thingy's??!  Frick!  
-I am severely claustrophobic.  Being in a tube, with no where to go, touching shoulders to the person next to me, literally cuts off my airway.  
-I have to trust the pilots and air traffic controllers, and NONE of those people I can see!  Now....I consider myself a very spiritual person, so I don't necessarily need to see things to believe that they exist, but this is different!

Don't ask me to rationalize it.

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