April Update!

Whoa, it's been more than a month since my last blog post!  I don't think I've ever gone that long without blogging!  You guys deserve an update.... not that there's much to update you all about, but still.  If there was ever an extra special blog-reader-bunch for a blogger to have, it's you!  

And you deserve an update!

Not a lot to report on the PCS front.  We finally have official orders for Fort Bliss and have sort of started the PCS process, except that there really isn't a lot that we can do for a few more weeks yet, so nothing blog worthy I'm sorry to say.  But I have figured out our route from Virginia to South Dakota to Nebraska back to South Dakota to Texas and the dates that we'll be in all of those places, and just that was overwhelming!  We can't pass up an opportunity to visit home since we have no idea when we'll get another chance for at least a year or more, but we will be on a time crunch while we're back because my mom wants family pictures, Eric has to renew his drivers license, we have 4 separate families to see, a new nephew to snuggle, not to mention our other nieces and nephew that need tight hugs and slobbery kisses, dental appointments for all three of us with my daddio, and friends to meet for drinks.  But, we need to get to El Paso as soon as possible too, leaving precious little time to do everything we hope to, so for a second we thought about not going home at all and instead go straight to Texas from here, but I think I got it all figured out!

Who's a rock star??  Me!  I'm a rock star! 
  

Eric and I had every intention of hiking to McAfee Knob last weekend, but if we were going to do it it was going to be a really long day and we didn't know how we felt about leaving Isabelle home alone for that long, and then the weather wasn't great, so we ended up just staying home and drinking wine all day.  
Passing up a travel adventure may surprise you since not traveling to somewhere new was a cardinal sin that we would never have dared commit when we were in Europe.  It's just that with all that we are dealing with, I guess you could say that we aren't into the whole travel thing right now.  And without any new travel adventures to tell you all about, my blog has been....non-existent. 

I'm excited for our big move to Texas though, and I can't wait to tell you all about it.  With everything that we have planned during our giant trip across the country I should have a few things to jabber about for a little while, but after we get settled in Texas... you guys.... I have a feeling things will get real quiet again, or worse.  To be honest, I'm not sure what will come of this little blog of mine.  

I've actually spent a good chunk of the past few months wondering if this might be the end for my blog entirely. 


Eric and I will always explore this world we live in, we hope right up until our souls are called Home, but we won't have any opportunities to travel the way that we did in Europe for the first year we will be in El Paso, so that makes for a boring and sporadic blog. 
I don't have small children so I don't belong in the mommy blog group.  Heck, I wouldn't belong in the mommy blog groups even if Isabelle was small!  I thank the good Lord every day that mommy blogs didn't exist when my daughter was a baby.  I can't imagine a worse way to make a neurotic and over-bearing mother more neurotic than having to live up to the expectations of every mother who has ever had internet and feels that it's her responsibility to post about all the ways I'm effing up motherhood.  Like I didn't already know I was barely keeping my kid alive, thankyouverymuch.
I am no longer struggling with infertility so I don't belong in that group either.  And can I just take a minute to say:  thank you sweet baby Jesus that that gol-damned chapter of our lives is OVER!  Where is my wine?!  Cheers!!
I'm not all that talented at any particular thing, unless you count drinking wine, making my husband roll his eyes and my daughter slam her bedroom door, and then welp, I am gifted and should maybe look into writing a how-to book.  I'm just not sure how to parlay that into a blog.  
I can kind of decorate thanks to timeless advice from my beloved Grandma Sue, but I can't figure out how to use a drill and I have no patience for crafting or painting, unless it comes out exactly like the picture in the magazine on the very first swipe of paint, so a DIY blog is a definite no.
I am really passionate about the fair trade industry, and Eric and I aspire to become a self-sustainable family, but I haven't gotten beyond my researching and buying from fair trade companies yet, so nothing blog-worthy at this point.  I'm convinced that the best way to save our planet is to become vegan, but that entire concept is extremely overwhelming, so I don't have the words for any of it to attempt a blog post, let alone an entire blog.
I'll always blog and talk about my experiences with miscarriages and stillbirth, but I can't devote every post I write to my losses.  It requires a good amount of energy every single day for me to hold my shit together, writing about my losses is the exact opposite of holding it together, and lets face it guys, you need me to hold my shit together.  I wouldn't be the person that I am without the losses I've endured.  My grief has shaped my perspective on just about everything, made me the wife & mother than I am today, and will go with me to Heaven (where I am really hoping God will lovingly take it off my hands and replace it with something less heavy), but my losses aren't my entire life.  I can't live in that place of sadness & grief all the time, and writing about it takes me to that place.  Sure, writing about it can be cathartic, but so is binge watching 'Call the Midwife' on Netflix, and sometimes, you've gotta make priorities.

So I guess you could say that this little blog of mine is on life support.  But I'm optimistic!  Whether my little blog makes it out alive or not I have no idea, but I'm optimistic about everything and know that it will all work out... whatever "it" might be.