Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Sacred Project

"Loved with a love beyond telling, Missed with a grief beyond all tears." ~Unknown

This past August, KMC Healing Hearts was asked if we'd like to be apart of The Sacred Project- a film that was being created to honor the babies that lived in our body's for a brief moment; A film that was being created to bring awareness to pregnancy & infant loss, and to help erase the stigma attached to that loss. 
To participate we were asked to have pictures taken of our belly's with the word 'sacred' painted on them- we could use whatever creativity we wanted to portray our feelings of our loss, but the word 'sacred' had to be somewhere on our tummy's.  I loved the entire concept- it sounded artistic and beautiful...I was in!

I had a few weeks to think of what I wanted my picture to look like, and ultimately, I just knew that I wanted my picture to be real.  How I feel about my losses is that they are with me all the time, they never leave me.  I might look okay on the outside, you won't know about what I've gone through meeting me for the first time (or a bunch of times), I'll smile at your baby and tell you how beautiful it is, but you might notice I won't touch it, I'll get you a gift for your baby shower but I'll politely decline to attend, and other than this blog I rarely talk about my losses.  But my losses are always there, always- just underneath where you can't see.  Along with that, I live my life with the belief that I am on God's path- the experiences, the people, the triumphs, and sadness are all designed by God to bring me back Home to him.  That was what I wanted to incorporate into my picture.  

These pictures were taken by Erin Ripley Photography- all rights belong to her, NOT me!  And the body painting was done by world renowned body painter Emma Cammack.

The result: a superman-esque inspired photo showing that underneath it all, my losses are there.  And my path is abstract, symbolizing my going through dark moments and colorful moments with God's love always lighting my way.  
I have been pregnant 5 times, I despise working out, for the most part I eat clean but I drink wine regularly and live on chocolate; this picture was taken two months after a failed IVF cycle; this is my stomach at darn near 35 years old.  I am proud of it!  I may not have a bikini body, but I don't mind.  Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I'm too lazy, and I don't mind that either.  This is my body.  I AM A SACRED SPACE!

497 mothers came together to help Stephanie Paige Cole and Pia Dorer create a magnificent short film to honor our combined 727 babies lost in pregnancy or infancy.  **Think about those numbers for a minute.  497 mothers, 727 babies.**  Their film is touching.... and I do not have the words to tell you how amazing I think it is.  Love, compassion, thoughtfulness, and more were put into this and it is wonderful!  
Please take a few minutes to watch it, and then, SHARE it!  Share it in honor of your baby, living or gone, my babies, a mother you know who has lost her child.  Share it to help spread awareness and compassion!  Share!  Enjoy!  Share!

As I move in and out of my grief I am discovering that honoring my pregnancies is not only healing but it honors myself.  It took me a very long time to realize that my body did not fail me; that I am not a failure; that I am not broken.  My body did exactly what God meant for it to do, and now, my babies are doing exactly what God meant for them.  Their inspiration is what carries me....

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